It matters greatly to me that poeple don't think I'm lieing. When I first started remembering everything my entire family started calling me a lier. Then there were the many pdoc who denyed the side effects of the medications. I quite know my own body, being told when I'm allready down that "It's all in my head" really did a number on me. I am aware I'm super sinsitive to accusations of lieing, it's something I am working on. I was misdiganosesed for years and given all kinds of pdrugs that messed me up, stopped me from going forward and having a life. I missed years of my daughters growing up because of these. I've have an equal number of pdocs tell me that I do not have bipolar, but a medicine reaction to antidepressants, and the other half tell me I'm bipolar 1 or 2 based on my reaction to antidepresants. When I look at the kinds of pdocs who said what I'm enclined to beleive the ones with more experence and who don't have their ego wraped in my diganosis. They were the docs who also spent more time with me and who I had when working (but not all-I found some good pdoc on medicare too) So I believe its a reaction to antidepressants. If I was bipolar I'd want to know so I could keep that from interfering, but the only time it comes up is when I'm on the antidepressants. I'm still really angry that Dr put me on one after I told her so many times that I can not take them and then did not answer my direct question.

I found out my T was thinking of the extreamly long rambling e-mails and letters I sent to her office. She had forgotton that happened durring the time that young pdoc put me on the antidepression. I don't expect my T's to remember everything, so once we both relized that she was baseing her remark on behavor that is yes -manic-but was from the time I had been put on medicine. The feeling of betrayal went a way, I could see her point and she saw mine. She prefers to hold on to the diganoses until she is sure it will not happen again. It was a compleat change from my normal self, and made a huge impact on her. I'm usualing very conservative in talk and dress, after 5-6 years the change was kinda big. I don't have a problem with it now, for some reson that day I felt it was judging and calling me a lier, even though my current pdoc is one that suports the medicine theory.

INSIGHT I don't know if this explains it, I just never want to lose years of my life again on all those drugs that I was on. I can't get back what I lost, but I'll never allow any pdoc to give me that many or those kinds of drugs again. I'm just lucky I have no tariea d____ I have to stop