i'm 19. ive been taking many medications for over 10 years. the past few years i was on 10 pills a day. a combination of lithium, valproic acid (depakote) and respiridal. 5 pills in the morning, 5 at night.

6 months ago i started taking only the night doses (half as much as usual)

i actually felt better. but i didnt really notice that much of a difference with anything.

recently, (the last month) i have been tapering off every medication except respiridal. (me and my psychiatrist decided to do this.)

i really really want to get off my medicine. i felt like i didnt even need it and i felt confident that i could overcome the transition and i'm SICK of living with all the negative side effects for TEN years.

today is the second day that im only taking the respiridal. ive gotten off everything else.

up until today or maybe yesterday i felt great. i not only felt like i could think clearer but that i could use my mind even more than most people could. ive also lost a lot of weight and started to feel a lot better about myself...

but basically all day today it seems like everything that normally just slightly irritates me and i just blow off and dont care about, enrages me.

i have a much shorter tolerance for irritation

also i feel hopeless. i feel like theres nothing i can do to help myself and i give up trying so much easier. i keep noticing things about my emotions that i remembered feeling the same way when i wasnt doing well with them.

to make matters worse, my own father already is telling me he thinks i should go back on my medicine. he has no faith in me at all it seems like.

it kills me inside. :'(

he told me this today. like i said, up until today i have been doing great and its not just me saying this. my mom and brother both agree, in fact they even said that i'm still doing alright today, but just the fact that my dad is SO QUICK to just give up on me...

i want to try and keep going with only taking respiridal, in fact up until today i was prepared to even get off that and be completely free of those damn chemicals that i know i dont need. i even called my psychiatrist this morning to follow up on thing and told her that everything was going great. because up until this afternoon i felt fine

i guess what i'm trying to say is i REALLY want to get off my medicine and up until today i felt completely confident that i could and so does everyone else still (except my dad )

i guess im being just as hard on myself as my dad is and i know this is just one instance but i keep wondering if its only going to get worse. i keep doubting myself and i guess the reason i came to this site is because i want to hear positive stories about how people manage thier bipolar WITHOUT medication.

ive come to deeply despise everything about medication. i wish i never started it in the first place but, at the time i started it , it seemed like there were no other options.

thats whats so frusterating and dissapointing.

ive been doing SO MUCH BETTER the past year or so than i used to when i was taking much more medication.

that was my reason for the faith i had in myself to stop medication.

im asking for replies to this post to help me get over this slump and not get back on the medication ive already gotten off of. i will definately still be taking respiridal ( right now i am taking 1 mg a day, before bed) for now...