I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too have been there, and can promise it always looks 10 times worse while you're in iy. This phased will pass and you'll find joy and happiness again. Please keep safe- I'm worried about you. Pls promise to phone someone if you need to (T, friend, mom..) Or even go to the hospital. It will pass and just know that you are worth more than you are giving yourself credit for right now