Sorry to hear that you feel so down. Loneliness is about the worst thing there is, in my opinion . . . especially when it is chronic. It is amazing what people can get through when they feel supported and loved by genuinely interested and trusted "others."

It's good that you have an interest in writing and to hear that you find it helpful. So that is one valuable coping skill that you have. But a notebook does not replace contact with others in real friendship.

The remedy seem to be to get involved with other people in some capacity. It's easy to say that. In practice, I have found that it can be very hard to do. I suspect we have some kind of fear that holds us back. How to conquer that is something I haven't figured out yet. But I hope you'll keep posting and tell us if you find some way to get connected.