It took a lot for me to write the above post...to be honest to myself and to others here. I hope people realize that.

There is one good thing I've done...or actually, not done. Last semester I missed all my midterms and threatened to take an OD to get doctors notes for missing them. I got the notes, but I was too behind and guilty about what I did. I ended up dropping everything.

At least this semester I didn't threaten to OD...I think I"m getting a little better.

In winter 2005 I did actually OD to miss my midterms. I ended up in hospital.

I don't know what is wrong with me...why I keep sabotaging myself...by skipping classes and missing midterms.

I'm scared. I have to do well. I get desperate you know. To be honest I still don't feel too safe. I start feeling desperate about my midterms. I starting thinking of harming myself to get out of them. It's a really stupid thing to do I know, but I just get desperate.

I really don't know what I'm going to do about my animal physiology midterm on Tues.

Please help me. Please. This is my life...this is me...really me...not a grab for attention, not hysterics...this is a real life problem of mine and I"m having trouble coping.