Genevieve, facing those questions is very scary to me...but I realize now that they are something I must face.

1.) Why do I do things like skip midterms and classes and withdraw from classes I'm doing doing well in...

I think I do those things because I'm afraid of failure...and paradoxically I find it better to fail and not try than to try and not do well. I think that may have roots in perfectionism. It's either do really well, or do nothing at all. Whenever something is challenging, I get scared of not doing well...so I would rather not try at all...

2. What am I going to do about Tuesday?
Reason and logic tell me to study...study really hard. Desperation tells me to try to get out of it by getting a doctor's note...but I know that will only delay the inevitable and be counterproductive. Either way I have to study and do the work to pass the course. I may as well study now.

3.) Why am I hiding these problems?

To a large extent I'm hiding my problems from myself as well. I simply choose not to face my problems...I avoid things. I'm also terribly ashamed of how little I've accomplished and of how I can't seem to get myself to achieve anything. The shame is horrendous. I can't even face the boards... I can't even face my pdocs...

4.) What am I going to do about that missed midterm?
Reason and logic tell me to tell my professor pronto about the difficulties I've been having and hopefully she can make some alternate arrangements for me. If not, at least I gave it a shot. I could also go to my pdoc and maybe have her write me a note that may or may not help me out. At this point trying anything is better than not trying at all.

5.) How will I ever be able to get a job?
I'm going to have to start somewhere...I should volunteer a bit, spiff up my resume a bit with volunteering maybe. Get out there, network, make cold calls...get career counselling. All these things, I know I need to do...doing them is another matter entirely.

Thank-you Genevieve for your questions, they really focused my thoughts. I really appreciate your thoughts on this.