Hi time0,
I was thinking about you predicament last night.
Flashbacks and memories, are not something you can control. So you are being hard on yourself there.

A flashback or memory is not something you can get rid of but I think in time we can lessen the impact of it, so that it really is in the past and not intruding our present lives.
If we could just get rid of the memory then none of us would have to have therapy!

I suffer too, and have had therapy for many years.

Flashbacks tend to bite us if we try to deny what happened. We have to say, yes it happened, I'm allowed to feel whatever I really feel about it.

One thing, T and I tried, may help you. I can't remember the proper term for it but I call it time-sharing.
You allow yourself to think about the memory at a given time. It's like making a bargain with your brain. So for example, you say to yourself, I will think about this at 6pm for half an hour, only. It takes practice. And you have to be firm with yourself that you are only allowed to do this for half an hour. And then go off and do something to distract yourself.
What this time-sharing does, is to stop the flashbacks scaring you quite so much. It may not work for you but I thought it might help.

The other thing might be to try EMDR with your T. Its a good way to get through traumatic stuff and can lessen the impact of the flashbacks.

I hope some of this might help.
And by the way, YOU don't need to shut up!

Thinking of you.