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First of all I would like to let you know that I understand your frustration. I’ve been on this ride a long time. For many years even I did not understand what I was experiencing.
When the doctor finally explained it to me, he also took the time to explain it to my husband. That helped a lot. It might sound a bit condescending, but as he said to my husband (to use your example) if keeping the door shut makes her feel better keep the door shut. You and I both know that it will not make a bit of difference but it increases her sense of security so let it be. He did also issue a warning that if it becomes something more dramatic than that we should immediately bring it to his attention (ie I’m sitting in the dark bedroom with a loaded gun).
These panic attacks ARE in our head. They make no sense to someone that has not experienced them. They do not understand the complete terror involved over what they see as literally nothing. I can rationally (or rationalize whichever the case may be) explain many triggers but there are infinitely more triggers that I have no clue why it will bring on a full blown anxiety attack.
You are both going to have to make some compromises. YOU have to understand that he is your husband. He loves you, his instinct is to comfort you and try to make you feel better. He would be pretty heartless to see you in this state and simply shrug and walk away.
But talk to him in a way he will understand. “Leave the door closed because that is what I need right now. It may make no sense to you but I need this.” Do this when you are calm and able to discuss the subject at length. I would suggest even explaining to him WHY you need things this way.
Ironically the thing that helps me most in many panic attacks is when my husband reminds me that it IS all in my head. The fear and anxiety I am feeling is real, but the basis for it is not. Does that make any sense? I’m able to dial down the attack with that information.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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