Hi everybody,

I just joined the forum and so far it looks great so I thought I'd make my first post. I've come here because I'm EXTREMELY desperate.

Over the past few years, I have mentally spiraled downhill. In April of 2004, I was accepted to one of the most prestigious universities in the country and was on top of the world. I graduated fifth in my high school class with almost a perfect GPA and by the summer of 2004, I was on top of the world.

That's when everything went bad. I should explain first that I come from an extremely clingy and tight-knit family. I had never been away from my family even once and would describe myself as a major social phobic. When I was a child, I would hide under the bed when people would come over and I used to panic whenever people would try to have any sort of conversation with me.

Getting back to the college situation, the date was getting closer as to when I was going to be moving into a dorm and the terror set in. I lived my life in fear. I was so scared of being away from my family (more specifically my mother to whom I am unhealthily close) and the thought of having to socialize with people in my dorm on a daily basis was killing me inside. It was getting to the point where I was crying hysterically everyday, counting down the days until I had to leave.

Well the day came and my parents took me down and of course, I had a fit. The panic set in at levels I had never before experienced and I couldn't stop crying. I was so ashamed of my behavior, seeing as I was 19 years old at the time and intellectually, I knew I shouldn't be acting that way.

To condense things, I asked my parents to take me home that day and they really had to, seeing as I was freaking out. The college kindly put me on medical leave and I remain on medical leave to this day.

A few weeks after leaving the university, I went to my family doctor and he prescribed Celexa for me. Let me just say, it didn't work. The side effects were hellish and I didn't even want to go to sleep anymore.

After two months of that, I tapered off the medication and haven't been in treatment since. My doctor had always wanted me to see a psychologist but I was so scared of actually talking to someone that I again would throw a fit at even the mere mention of seeing one.

Over the past year, I feel like I have spiraled down in such a major way. My social anxiety is getting worse as is my separation anxiety from my mother. Other major problems have arisen for me, as well. I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel like now, I'm afraid of everything. Sometimes I lay in bed at night scared to death of absolutely nothing. I actually have delusions that someone might be there in the room with me. I spend about an hour every night in the dark waiting for someone to grab me or something. Intellectually, I know that what I'm feeling is irrational but I can't seem to get past this. I'm becoming afraid of everything now. I obsess about terrorism, nuclear weapons, the end of the world, etc, etc, etc. It's absolutely ridiculous what I go through. The terror I experience on a daily basis is incomprehensible.

I guess the reason I'm posting is to ask if anybody has any ideas about what I might have that is causing these ridiculous fears. I feel like my original fears (separation anxiety and social anxiety) have eaten away at my mind and driven me to be absolutely crazy. I don't know if I'm schizophrenic, manic, etc, etc.

Does anybody have ANY idea what might be wrong with me??? I'd appreciate any help I could get.