Hi Geoffrey and welcome to the forums. I hope you will decide to get professional help and answers but please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing. It can help to talk about your problems in a safe place.

My son decided he was going away to college and only stayed one semester.....he hated being away from home and away from his girl friend. He went to the local university after that semester and did great. Sometimes we try to force ourselves to do things that we just aren't ready for. We're all different and that's good.