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Oh, I don't know if others will ever really understand. When you say it, they still seem to think that it is easy to get over and that I should not let it get to me.
To be honest I am still learning what it really means myself and I haven't been doing well at all lately, too much going on, current traumas. As I have ranted about here and other places. Yes we rant too, JD kindly puts it, that is the PTSD talking.
The one thing sort of positive to me is that the abuse I got in the psychward was quietly validated to my husband on the QT from a very knowledgeable respected source.
But I have to be honest, it is another addition to my long list of tramatic events in my life. I don't really know what to feel right now to be honest, I am grateful that finally what I went thru was an admitted terrible ordeal. This past week has been terrible for me, I am truely worn out. I feel like I have been sitting once again in the electric chair of flashbacks and dealing with way too much.
At least by coming to PC and talking to others I have been able to learn more so when I do find that therapist I can trust, I will have a lot to talk about and things to work on. PC has also helped me hang onto the person I aways was, cause quite frankly outside PC, I have been so overwhelmed by what is going on.
I was really praying one day, completely disabled trying to do the chores, I was so bad I broke down in the grain store, thankfully the woman there was so nice and gave me a big hug. And then I really broke and tried so hard to tell my husband that I just cant do it all, the case, the lawyer, the bill, even my husband constantly cutting me off and not listening and trying to tell me what to do and how to think, etc.
Well, maybe my prayers were answered as my husband went to his AA meeting and happened to meet up with the person while he was out. Someone to tell him how really hard it is for me and yes the psychiatrist in that hospital is really bad news.
Finally someone else validated me, I can't tell you how much I needed that, how very much it really means.
Oh and my last therapist, how many mistakes he made with me too. To be honest I am exhausted by getting the wrong therapy or whatever. I can't tell you how many times PC was my one place I could go and ground. Keep in touch with that person that was so strong in my past. That person who lost everything, years of making up or overcoming so much abuse.
I have had a couple people here that really helped alot, so supportive and understanding even just willing to listen and not be critical. I want to thank you and you know who you are. I hate to say it that at least we do understand each other and can find peace in that.
You know sidestepper the one thing you said that truely resinates with me is, there nothing worse someone could say to a victim of PTSD than when they dont believe you. I think that is the worst trigger of all. That is one thing that really disturbs me and brings me back to each and every tramatic event reaching all the way back to a little girl that was afraid to tell, maybe no one would believe her.
Open Eyes
Last edited by Open Eyes; May 26, 2011 at 01:39 PM.
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