Sorry if I came across as *****y, I appreciate your opinion and am just having "one of those days"

Sometimes I wonder if I should be in a relationship but I am not getting any younger and my therapist thinks I should because "life is short".

As far as being able to control my emotions I am fully aware that they are not normal (though I was not aware of this till the last few years) I have bi-polar II and OCD (was misdiagnosed and mismedicated for over a decade)so while I am aware that my reactions to everyday things are not appropriate or normal, having bi-polar and OCD does not make it easy to act and react like I know I really should-that is why these are recognized disabilities and I am doing everything I can to improve on them but they do not go away overnight. In fact I have improved so much in the last few years(Most of that without help or meds) that I am VERY proud of myself-in the last year I have managed not to drive anyone away with my issues and am finally able to say I love myself and I have confidence-but three decades of misdiagnoses, mental abuse, bullying, and self-loathing do not go away overnight so every day really can be a struggle.

I am defensive because I have a hard time expressing myself and for the the majority of my life people have either not given me a chance or misunderstood me, I did not have a good experience socially people for the majority of my life(because people "just did not get me") so I adapted by being defensive and it is hard habit to shake. I try to keep it to psych central and my therapist cause "normal" people don't understand what I have been through and cannot relate to a life of being bullied, tormented and emotionally abused. So I fake it when I am around most people and come here to vent because this is the only place where I can be myself without being judged or told that no one likes me and do not want to be my friend.

I want to make it clear that I do not feel sorry for myself, I am very fortunate in most aspects, but I am TERRIBLE and properly communicating my feelings and people really don't understand me. For the longest time my closest friend was my teddy bear and currently I do not feel comfortable opening up to anyone completely because the last time I did the friend would call me crazy(even though she is on anti-depressants and has no right to judge) and when I told her to stop she called me a *****.

But as far as being in charge of my own happiness when it comes to how I react to texts not responding is just plain rude and clearly you do not suffer from OCD or you would understand why I get crazy about not responding in a timely manner. I could easily take the easy way out and try to go on disability (as a previous doctor suggested) but instead I finished college and grad school with honors, have had a successful career in academia and have been supporting myself for nearly a decade now.
But the thing with OCD and Bi-Polar is that while you can look back at your actions like you are a third partly and acknowledge that they are wrong actually controlling them is VERY HARD, even with therapy and meds. It is easy for someone else to suggest I try to control them but that is the thing about my problems I cannot always control them despite WANTING to. Again I am very fortunate that my issues are mild as far as psychiatric problems go but I would never ever wish these on anyone because not being able to control yourself even when you want to is HORRIBLE and has ruined a lot of my life.