Well, I see your thinking JD. But unfortunately others don't really understand that either. Or like you mentioned, maybe they don't care to understand. I have found that others just keep saying relax and oh they have all these little inuendos that have something to do with them feeling that you just have and unablility to "JUST DEAL".

I went upstairs and layed down, thinking about what I had just said in the end of my post.

I have had a tendency to say things over and over, that is one thing people seem to say about me. Or maybe even that I am too long winded at times. Misunderstood is something often said by therapists, especially after they did it themsleves. Sometimes people will say Im just too smart or that I know too much, or care too much, or seem to have to point things out, or that I might let things upset me too much or I seem to notice things others don't. I have even talked out when others were afraid to.

Those are just a few of my idiocyncracies. Alot also depends on a persons life experiences. With my own life experiences I do see things others ignore. But given my past, it was the way I survived and tried very hard to understand why things were so bad. And when I really sit and think, boy, I really had to do it alot in my life. Quite honestly, I have to shake my head alot in my own disbelief. But these things did happen and many times I was alone when it happened, alone to try to either run, or defend myself. That is the worst for me, that I was alone, no witness except the abusers.

So in many cases, not just mine, a victim needs to often repeat it over and over as they sometimes need to validate it even themselves. And we often get angry when something like it happens again and even if we get up enough courage to finally speak and then, we get invalidated. Yes, that is one of the hard things for victims. They don't always consciously realize it but, because they themselves have trouble with it, well the last thing they want is to be invalidated. And any kind of invalidation causes anger, frustration, anxiety, and even rage. And again often the victim who has the PTSD doesn't really realize it themselves. And the next thing they know, they react and even over react not just in anger but frustration, fear, anxiety, and even becoming depressed and brought to tears.

In my case I would fight those feelings by doing things that were ways of exerting the negetive energy away into something positive. I didn't realize that was called grounding, until I read it in a book. That was not good for me because then all the things I did became attached to a trauma. Thats when I started having flashbacks. I couldn't understand having them, I did remember, why had it not happen before? And then I noticed that when I tried to do my regular positive activities, well I would flashback.

And as far as the ones I do try to tell, well, they make that one fatal mistake, they DONT BELIEVE ME. Obviously I don't have other therapists as friends. And to top it off I am involved in a court case AND THEY DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE ME, THAT IS THE OPPOSING ATTORNEYS JOB.
The one thing that I do have is that my husband did witness it with me one of the times. I think if that had not happened, well, I truely would have blown apart mentally.

And the other important thing that therapists really have to understand, is the behaviors that go along with this diagnosis. No, they often have to seem to attach something else with it. Yes we do go up and down with it, and no, we don't always respond to antidepressants and yes we have moments of rage and we really get angry when THEY DON'T BELIEVE US.
It is not just about constantly focusing on the abusive actions. It is more than just that, so they have to realize that we already know it, what we need to hear, is that yes, someone believes it and they will work with us and not only tell us, it was not our fault. But they will tell the family member how hard it is for us and sometimes saying JUST DEAL, really hurts us.

Open Eyes