Thanks again for the replies

It is difficult to learn acceptance when my attorneys/insurance company try to block everything I try to do for myself in the way of self-care. Not everyone can just pay full price for the things needed to be able to accept something, find a solution, and move on. Plus add that the chronic pain in never consistent except in being there... it makes it tough to plan anything (whether that is for self care, or for enjoyment )

I have an MD appt later in the week... and my attempt at self-care regarding the ambien will be on the table, I guess.. . contrary to my other doctors, she is bent on believing I have a drug seeking attitude and trying to reduce my ambien med (change from cr to plain) will only be seen as a chance to double my med for 2 weeks (I still had 2 weeks on the CR, which I have been taking.) But I digress.

I went out today, had been invited to view an activity. I did go, too early for me...and stayed longer than I planned... just because I didn't remember to check my phone for the time... the pain pulled over me before I realized I had overspent my pain med... and I wasn't even able to think to take the pain med, and was reacting/persevering instead. How do I accept this?

I am trashed from doing this. If I get 4 functional hours on a GOOD day, that is exceptional. Once I push... the pain and fatigue rise so high... and my brain is overwhelmed from stimuli. How do I accept this (beyond... as I lie in bed writhing... confused...fatigue... to try and block all the second guessing, to say to myself :Self, I know this is what always happens when I go or be elsewhere than in bed, it's all of the disorders (physical and psychological) that attack me...I have no control over this, it isn't my fault:

Now my question is this: I knew I would get this way because of going...before I went... the result was as it always is... was/is my going, and thus ignoring the afteraffects part of not accepting (realizing?)

Sorry for the long post. It's complicated, I know. So's my life. sigh