Obviously, you do care, or you wouldn't be posting it here.

I'm sorry, I don't believe you did everything you could. I don't. I don't believe you truly want to stop emailing him. Your only desire stems from other people's disapproval. Until you honestly believe what you are doing is wrong, you'll never stop. Only you know, deep down, how you truly feel.

From what I have read, Greenleaves, you're smart. I'm sad that you're letting this obsession ruin your life. What a waste. Pour this effort into your studies or into a hobby. I can only imagine the success you would have.

Perhaps take up some kind of hobby to keep your hands busy. Knitting. Sewing. Something.

My point is, get off the computer and start participating in life. There are so many great and interesting people/life experiences that you are missing by obsessing over this.

Give a darn about what your future holds.