Hey. Sorry I haven't responded before now. I've been trying to think of what to say... I'm still not sure what to say... But I shall have a go...

I don't think you are going to be sent to prison. My guess would be... That he wouldn't call them unless you started making threats on his life or something like that. Though... Maybe not even then. But it isn't about that - is it? It is more about your being upset. And your talking about harming yourself. My guess would be that... He wouldn't contact crisis services in virtue of that either. Because... Can you imagine the conversation?

'I'm getting emails from this person and she says she is going to harm herself'
'Do you think she would harm herself'
'It is hard to say because she has sent me a lot of emails...'

And if you were harming yourself...
Someone IRL would call crisis services on you...

I'm a bit worried about having said that. But... That is what I think.

I also think...

That if he gets too fed up... He will simply delete them. Not even open them. Not even pay attention to the header. Just delete them.

Because... That is a likely consequence. That he will get fed up with those kinds of emails and just decide it isn't worth the bother of reading them.

But... You send nice ones sometimes - right?

Sigh.

I don't know Deneb.

It is like you push as hard as you can with one hand (people will withdraw from you when you make threats etc)
But with the other hand... You just want people to be close.

It is hard.

I also didn't reply because... There was little point. You had already sent it. I said you could send stuff on BEFORE sending it. I would try and help you not send it. But after the fact... It is a little late. So... I ignored it. Read it. But... No point in saying anything really.

I don't really know what to say...

This stuff...

DBT would help. But... We have had this conversation... Aside from that... I really don't know what to say. I don't know what to say about this that might actually help. And... I worry about making the situation worse. I do.

It is like
'I don't want to be hospitalised against my will / I don't want to go to jail' with one hand...
and
'please send me there because I"m doing everything I can so that you will do that' on the other...

That is when people just back off. Because...

I don't see what I can do to help.

Support...

I'm sorry you are hurting. Really. I know blocks can be hard. Really very. And I'm sorry. That being said... If you don't learn to control your posting... They will just recurr. And... Get longer.

DBT would help you there...

But we have had that discussion...