vicky....

I am so sorry that you felt such pain after your experience with your ex. I guess there are some people that enter your life that you will never "get over". For me my ex wife of 19 years will never have that impact on me. We simply got married too young and we were not right for each other. I will always have some fondness for her, and feelings for her as we went through a lot together and we had two beautiful chidlren. It is the loss of this last relationship that haunts me, and proably will for quite some time.

Ozzie.....

I fully recognize that I have given her the opportunity to hurt me. She knows just the right things to say to hurt me and drive me into a tail spin. All she can say is that even after two years with me she really didn't know me. Wow. I mean taht one cuts like a knife. Because, I think in many ways she knew me better than anyone. But, looking back I can see that she has some issues with men in general. There were certain things that were her hot bottons. I can remember early on in our relationship I had forgotten when her birthday was. I knew it was in October, but I forgot the date. This was in August or so. I admitted to her that I forgot and asked her nicely to tell me the date. She refused. She wanted to see me sweat. And, jsut a lot of other little red flags showing a general distrust of men... all men are in it for teh sex, etc., etc.

I guess what I have learned is that you can rely on, or trust no one. Everyone is basically in it for themselves. Here, I thought I had found the most loving and compassionate woman. But, in the end when I needed just a little compassion and understanding there was none. So, she can saunter off to mass and do al the right things taht a good Christian should, but when the rubber hits the road and you have to give just a little of yourself... forget it. For teh first time in my life I really need someone to help me, to show that they care and there is no one. That is the biggest fall out of depression. That you act in such a way as to isolate yourself from teh world at a time when you need people the most.

Admittedly I am a bit cynical and I know that it may be the derpession talking, but I am just disgusted with people in general... even myself. Little things just seem to piss me off. I had one of my Sisters call me for teh first time in over 3 years. The reason that she called is that she was looking for a check that I owed her resulting from the distribution of the assets of our aunt that died. It is BS, she couldn't call over three years to ask how I was doing? But, when I owed her some money she was right on the phone.

I guess I have had it a bit with people in general. That when it gets really tough no one is there to lend a hand, offer support or let go of their own needs for just a moment to be there for you. So be it. That is my world. And, I think far too often that is the world we live in. That is the true and inner nature of the human being, look out for oneself and to hell with others.