like everyone has already said you need to get professional help as soon as possible i buried my head in the sand for so long refusing help refusing to admit there was a problem. you already have concerns or you would not have posted so please listen to yourself please confine in someone you can trust . i wasted so long locked away in my own ed and yes getting help is hard tub its much better than feeling so alone and ill. if you ever need a chat im about. verity x