i dont like the way i ended up now ....i dont like most of the things i did in the past ,& the things im doing now ...i dont like the fact that life is passing me by with having any good mements to remeber , i dont like my hate to everything just because im too a fraid to have any of it ..
there is so much that i dont like ...& i thought seriously about ending it & ending my life ...but i think i am so weak to do it ...even when it comes to doing the only thing to end my confusion...i am aloser ..

its easy to say im wrong , its easy to say i have done bad things , its easy to say i wanna change ,to talk about ur problems is easy ..& to say im sorry is very easy ....whats hard is doin it ...its never easy to become onother person ..& dying is much easier than changing...dying is so much simpler that starting over ...

i know one thing for sure ..i cant end my life , it take so much stringht to do ..& im not that strong ..

if someone say something insulting to me ...i may stay silent ...& i may start a fight ...i dont know ...
if a girl liked me ..i may reject her badly even if i liked her too , & i may talk to her ...

i dont know why i do most of the things i do ..i dont feel in control of my self at all ...i cant even understand why do i do half the things i do ..
its normal to fight with others if you was violent ..its normal ,
but its not normal to put up with every one & not do anything about all the insults & take it all at one person just because he or she said something you dont like ...
its not normal to reject all the nice caring girls around you & be nice to that only girl the is never nice to you...

yes ..thas me ..thats who i am ..if every thing is okay ..i always find away to disrtoy it ...& if everything is wrong i try to fix it & make it look good ..witch is impossible ..& i feel useless because im trying my best to have something that is not good for me .....

i just want to be reasonable ...like good people ...dislike bad people ..keep the good job ..& quitt tha bad job ...care for my friends ...& stay away from drugs ...i dont wanna run to any kind of drugs just to balance to day ...

im sorry ..but i do need to start over & i dont have the courage...