I am sorry you are hurting and I really don't know what words to say to help...I THINK? if I did something that really messed up a loved one...but at the same time risked not seeing my son and grandkid...I would go see them alone too....now being mean to you no no way..on that he seems between a rock and a hard place....But the rest of it I honestly just dont know and wish you two and the kids could fix this cause it causes you so much pain