I see - its not a three way friendship where each knows and does things together.

its a new friendship where you both have a mutual friend. but the three of you havent done anything together as a 3 way friendship yet.

Not knowing you were friends with the other person one person said something about the mutual friend.

I was once in this situation where I was writing on line to two friends. - they did not know between them that I was friends with both of them. one had a problem with the other and not knowing I was friends with both first one came to me and then the other both wanting me to choose sides and talk about the problems that each were revieling to me. Sometimes it was accidental but other times it wasn't. Its natural for people to talk about the other people in their lives, good and bad. But sometimes that ends up in a bad situation. for example-

I ended up in a tug of war between the two friends who didn't know I was friends with both because every time we talked they discussed the other person.

Innocent or not the situaton was driving me nuts. I had to take care of me and put boundries up. I finally had to say enough. and disclose to both of my friends that I was friends with the other and accidentally or not I would not discuss the other person.

I followed through with this by stopping the person right when they mentioned the other persons name. "hey did you know Bonnie.." "I'm sorry to interupt you but I don't discuss other people unless the person is right in the room with me so please save whatever you are about to say until that person you are about to tell me about is here with us"

As for the information that I recieved from each of them about the other - well until that person tells me for themselves it's none of my business.

Yea sometimes finding out someone told someone else something they didn't tell me hurts but the person who didn't tell me may have their own reasons for not telling me - they weren't comfortable, not the right time, It just wasn't the right time. All I can do is remember that I tell my friends things at a pace that I am comfortable with, at a time that I believe is right, and most times its not when they expect it, Some friends know more about me then others do but that is ok. there are no rules to my having friend that say I have to tell them things at their pace and in the same exact order that I do another friend. Each of my friends are unique and so are the things we do together. So when I find out something about one from another I chalk it up to everyone has their own unique friends and friendships. just because one discloses something in one friend ship but not the other doesnt mean a friendship is bad or wrong. I wouldn't want my friends to tell me how and when I should disclose things to them and expect me to do it exactly alike. Their not telling me doesn't make me a bad person. our friendships are unique and if that person wants me to know she will tell me herself until then what I know isn't important otherwise she would have told me. then I turn my attention to just enjoying the time I have with that person as that person is based on what I knew before the disclosue. If Im not able to put that issue on the back burner until the person discloses to me herself I do flat out say I know this. How I know it isn't important but if you want to talk about it Im here and leave it at that. the issue isnt kept a deep dark secret driving me nuts.

One person pm asking about a situation not disclosing who the problem was with. then the other got upset because the first friend was asking other people for help