Quote:
Originally Posted by tara_922
Growing up I went through 12 surgeries for cleft lip and palate. I was also molested by a pedophile. At college I was raped. Needless to say I was one hell of an angry person. I threw things when I was angry, and self injured. One day I got this bright idea and here's what that was.
I bought a 3 ft high helium balloon and a sharpie along with other balloons that weren't helium. On the 3 ft balloon I wrote every reason I was angry, and why I was justified in my anger. On the smaller non-helium balloons I targeted specific individuals. I.E. why I was angry at the pedophile, the rapist, my mom etc. I tied all the smaller balloons to the helium balloon and then went outside and let them go and watched them float away for God to deal with. The release was immense. Since that day I have not had an angry outburst or otherwise misdirected my anger at anybody. I've done the same thing with suicidal thoughts and it actually kept me from attempting suicide. I just watched in peace as my suicidal thoughts floated away. Very powerful.
I hope this helps somebody like it helped me. Thanks for listening.
Love and Hugs,
Tara
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O.O Wow. You've been through a lot. I feel awful that those things happened to you. You had every right to be pissed. I would be, too.
I'm glad you found a way to get better on your own. That's very inspiring.
I have been sexually abused twice. I just kind of never really had much problem after. I mean, the first time, I was 8. I sat in my room & didn't talk at all for a few days. My mom asked me what was wrong, so I told her, & she brought my dad to go pound on my "boyfriend's" door. He was a year older than me & TRIED to rape me in front of all our friends at the park by our building. (He lived down the hall with his parents. Also, all our friends were guys, & they were cheering him on, except his best friend. His best friend kept switching between trying to help me & trying to help him.) Apparently, his parents were having sex on the couch in front of him when my parents went to talk to them about what had happened, & he had an older sister who was molested by the father all the time. After my parents comforted me, I was fine. I don't remember having any problems stemming from it.
The second time, a guy tried to take advantage of me while I was drunk, but my current boyfriend helped me a lot in dealing with that. I was fine within a week. There were a few times in high school where I had to stop during sex because I remembered the first incident & how it felt, how scared I was, but that hasn't happened in years. I never really had to "release" those things, & I'm lucky enough that I've never had to have surgery. Hospitals make me very uncomfortable.
However, I have had major outbursts of anger over the smallest things since I was 10. I have tried anti-depressants, counting to ten, taking deep breaths, bottling it up, & nothing seems to help. I have ridiculously intense mood swings out of nowhere for no reason, & it's only in the comfort of my own home when we don't have any company over. I have had roommates both here & at my mom's, & I still get the outbursts, but when I lived with my dad, I never so much as raised my voice. I was perfectly "normal" the few times I lived with him for a few months at a time. I live with my boyfriend now, & I thought the problem was my mom because she has a lot of anger herself, but my boyfriend is the most laid-back person I've ever met, & I still get like this. :/ I have no idea what's wrong with me, but I'm afraid to go to a doctor because a councellor messed up my family BIG TIME when I was 12. I wasn't allowed to see or speak to my brother for a few years. I'm getting closer to being ready to see a doctor about it. Do you have any other suggestions for some anger management. I don't know why I'm so angry/sad. I have no reason to be. I just wish I WASN'T.