Hey CupCakeQueen,

Thanks for your post....

Sorry for the long posts you have to read. I am into writing lol. Should I tell my CPN/Psych and GP that I have not been taking my meds or just leave it out and hope they don't guess? I am worried that people will think I am crazy, which I'm not. I can't speak to friends as they worry more and more and I don't want to put that pressure on them. It's bedtime ish here and my Mum has gone to bed. Soon will be my Dad and Sister. I am not wanting to go just yet. I have been having more alcohol this weekend than any other time. I just want to go out and get drunk. Ye I am sitting drinking as I write this. Alcohol doesn't affect me in any way. I am pacing around, fidgetting more and more this is normal for me as I do this constantly. I am trying to think of things to write in my journal that I show to Psych and I am trying to word it so that he doesn't section me when he reads it lol!!! Can I use humour??

I just hate feeling like a little kid again.... routines and times for bed and people telling me I will feel better after taking my meds. I know everyone is doing their best to help me. Sometimes I feel I don't want/need help... is that ok/normal?

This is sooo hard as no-one in my family has BP so I am flying solo and fighting a losing battle with myself and my family just bug me. I think it would be better if I stayed on my own rather than in the family home... CPN has stated this would not be a good idea and I should remain in family home to stay safe.... GRRR!!!