Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura
Hey CupCakeQueen,
Thanks for your post....
Sorry for the long posts you have to read. I am into writing lol. Should I tell my CPN/Psych and GP that I have not been taking my meds or just leave it out and hope they don't guess? I am worried that people will think I am crazy, which I'm not. I can't speak to friends as they worry more and more and I don't want to put that pressure on them. It's bedtime ish here and my Mum has gone to bed. Soon will be my Dad and Sister. I am not wanting to go just yet. I have been having more alcohol this weekend than any other time. I just want to go out and get drunk. Ye I am sitting drinking as I write this. Alcohol doesn't affect me in any way. I am pacing around, fidgetting more and more this is normal for me as I do this constantly. I am trying to think of things to write in my journal that I show to Psych and I am trying to word it so that he doesn't section me when he reads it lol!!! Can I use humour??
I just hate feeling like a little kid again.... routines and times for bed and people telling me I will feel better after taking my meds. I know everyone is doing their best to help me. Sometimes I feel I don't want/need help... is that ok/normal?
This is sooo hard as no-one in my family has BP so I am flying solo and fighting a losing battle with myself and my family just bug me. I think it would be better if I stayed on my own rather than in the family home... CPN has stated this would not be a good idea and I should remain in family home to stay safe.... GRRR!!!
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I enjoy reading & have an obsession with writing, even when I have nothing in particular to write, I just practice different styles of writing & stuff, so I understand.
You should be as honest as possible with your therapist(s) because they are there to help you. By lying to them, you are hindering their ability to help you, & you stand less chance at getting better & at the very least are making it take longer for you to get better. Like I said, the fastest & easiest way for you to get better is to take your medications religiously & be 100% honest with your therapists.
You're not "crazy". You're not hallucinating. (That's my personal definition of someone being crazy in the literal sense.) However, you do have problems. Your mania races your thoughts & it shows in how you speak/type, & it is clearly hindering you due to your statement regarding losing your job because of it, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that you are NOT "just fine" or "okay". You need help, & you DESERVE help. What you are going through isn't your fault, & as it's possible that you can easily get better by taking medication & talking to a therapist for a few years, if you really work at it & follow through, it only makes sense to do that for yourself.
You're lying to yourself in thinking that alcohol doesn't affect you. There's nothing wrong with going out drinking once in awhile. However, you should be EXTREMELY careful not to make it a habit because when it becomes a habit, it becomes a problem, & more problems are the LAST thing you need to deal with, especially ones that are completely unnecessary & avoidable.
I think when you're writing in a journal to show your psychiatrist, you should be serious & completely honest. Just put your actual thoughts & feelings in there. That's what will help him/her to help YOU. Think of it as a tool to help you help yourself indirectly to get better.
It's normal to "think" you're fine & normal. No one WANTS to have mental health problems. However, you really should make a conscious effort to acknowledge & accept what is happening, that it is not "normal", & that you DO need this help, then take it. It's what's best for you, whether it's entirely pleasant or not. I know taking pills SUCKS. I hate it, but it's easier than being institutionalized, right?
I agree with your therapist that it would be easiest & BEST for you to stay with your family until you are stable enough to hold down a job & pay your own bills. If you move out on your own while you are not stable enough to handle a job, you would probably end up homeless, & that is a whole new picnic basket FULL of problems. It would also significantly decrease the likelihood that you would get better. Just hang in there, & even if you DO move out & stop taking your medications, be honest with your therapist.