Hello, Puzzclar! We all have our psychological defenses. They're necessary, but sometimes they're "overkill"; they can be much bigger than the actual threats out there and get in the way of living.

I always liked the saying: "If you fortify a position so well that the enemy can't get in -- you can't get out."

I'm talking in metaphors here, but is it possible for you to identify the specific (physical/psychic) threats for which you need defenses, and then work on resizing or restructuring your defenses to target those specific threats? A "Great Wall" will keep out both friends and enemies; you need something that identifies and lets in friends.

This is not a quick fix. Please keep posting.