Hi robnyt,

Welcome to the forums! Man, what a great question! And so appropriate to me. I was abused by my Grandfather from the time I was three years old until I turned fourteen and learned how to fight back, God, how I hated the man! But my hatred didn't stop there. Anything could bring it on, not getting my way, if I thought someone had treated me unfairly, etc. This went on for many years. I got in a lot of fights in school, but always with kids who could defend themselves. I knew what it was like to be beaten by someone who you couldn't defend. It wasn't until my first wife was pregnant with our first baby that I really started to think about who and what I wanted to be, and what my child needed me to be. I guess I was at a crossroads. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to be like my Grandfather, I was going to have love and give it in return. I've had horrible things to deal with these many years, but I don't think that I've ever purposely mistreated another person. I don't I'm going to hell when I die, at least I hope not.

I believe that everyone of us comes to a crossroads at some time in our lives. When your Dad comes to his, he needs to decide to hold onto the hate, or decide that it's been long enough and let it go. I hope he chooses the latter.

But this is just my opinion, and most of the time doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

Best of luck, and keep coming back,
bptoo

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance."