Sorry that all this happened to you - you did not deserve this! In terms of parenting, your instincts will tell you. Follow your heart and love your baby and you will learn along the way. You will make mistakes, as all parents do, learn from them. Make sure your baby knows you are always there and will always protect them. I also had an abusive childhood - I understand the parenting fears, having no one to go to for advice, always questioning if I was doing the right thing, I had nothing to base what a mother should be like on so I made it up as I went along. I know I have made some mistakes, but I also know my children know with their whole heart how much I love them and that I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth for them and I guess, to me, that is what really matters.

Sometimes it is tough and things don't always work out how we plan, but I believe that just by questioning - you're showing that you DO have what it takes. Keep posting - get those fears and worries out! PC is a supportive place and you will find vast amounts of wisdom on here! I will keep you in my thoughts!