I'm seeing a lot of "sometimes" and "maybes" in your comments.

As my therapist would say to me when I would get on a roll of "poor me, I'm such a victim, look at everything bad he did to me. I can't do anything about it, blah blah blah" - "OK, so that's how it's going to be. You're a trauma junkie. That's OK. Some people are just like that."
Me: "But I don't like things to be like that."
Him: "You must, because if you really didn't like something, you'd stop. You're emotionally getting something out of all of this or you wouldn't continue to let it happen."
Me: "No, I really don't like it. I'm trying to stop."
Him: "If something's painful, you don't TRY to stop doing what's causing the pain. You just STOP. Do you leave your hand on a hot burner? No, you take it off because it hurts."
Me: "but, but, but."
Him: " So you were a victim. Big deal. Get over it. You're treating this guy like he's all powerful. You're putting him in the same position as God. Is there any other human in your life that you put in that same position?"
Me: "No."

My therapist would tell you that you're a trauma junkie, and I know you don't want to hear that, because I sure as hell didn't like to hear it. When I'd start talking about all of the perceived injustices, I'd talk faster, my pulse and blood pressure would go up, I'd start gesturing with my hands, lean forward in my chair. I'd get an adrenaline rush talking about how crappy I'd been treated.

At least you have some communication left with your kids to build back up. Set some boundaries, woman. Speak up assertively, not aggressively.

My mom became a great-grandmother in August. My brother didn't bother to let her know until December. He sent a card with a picture. No note with it. Just a picture. She writes him e-mails occasionally. He doesn't answer. She sent him her phone number. He doesn't call. I didn't get an invitation to his daughter's wedding. He talks down to my dad, who is quite intelligent with a quick wit, but very rustic in his lifestyle. Would we like to have a "normal" family where everyone gets together for Norman Rockwell-inspired holidays and celebrations? Sure, wouldn't we all? Thing is, it's not going to happen. For whatever reason, my brother wants no part of his family. So we live with that decision and make the best of the good things we do have. I have a good relationship with my parents and step-dad. My brother can't take that away from us. He knows the door is open if he ever wants to be a part of the family again, but we don't constantly harp to him about how horrible he is in the meantime.

You're putting a lot of energy into hoping everyone else in the family will change. That's got to be awfully draining.