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Originally Posted by ocdtalk
I am so sorry you are going through this heartache and that you and your BF are suffering so much. You obviously care deeply for him. While you are right that having OCD is not his fault and not in his control, how he chooses to deal with it IS in his control. By going along with his unreasonable requests, you are actually enabling his OCD. I know this because my son suffered from severe OCD.......he is about your age now. He finally received the right treatment.....Exposure Response Prevention Therapy - the same therapy that is discussed in My Life in Rewind (the book that was recommended to you). That therapy literally saved his life and he is doing really well now - with no meds. If you'd like info as to how to find a competent therapist I have a blog on wordpress called ocdtalk where I talk about Dan's story and recovery. If your BF won't go to a therapist, there are even self-help books you could get (library, bookstore) that may help you help him. But continuing on as is is going to take more of a toll on you and also fuel your BF's OCD. Good Luck. You are in my thoughts.
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Thanks! Yeah, I know I shouldn't have acquiesced to his demands to scrub up, but I felt like there was no other choice if we had to be some place or get something done. And then when I would refuse, he would become extremely upset and tell me I must not care about him. He knew it was irrational, but he said I should still do it because it would make him feel better even when I would tell him it's not really helping him at all. I've been reading that book and it's really opened my eyes up to how the continual reassurance just breeds the need for more reassurance. It's just so hard not to give in when you see a grown man in the grip of a tear-striken panic attack. I wanted to do anything to make him feel better. I chose the short-term solution over the long-term and now I'm paying the price for it, unfortunately.
Things have gotten so much worse for him.
And he's depressed as well. He feels very hopeless about his life in general and I haven't spoken to him in days. It's made me very anxious and worried about him. I posted another thread about further problems with communication and depression. I've decided I'm going to compose a letter laying out my concerns and, well, giving him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to get some help which I will do everything in my power to make sure he gets...or I will have to leave the relationship for my own well-being. It's not what I want to do, obviously, but it's become my only option.
But thanks a lot for the kind words and support. I'll definitely check out this blog of yours. I'm very glad your son is doing well and it gives me a lot of hope for my boyfriend.
