I totally understand. I have been playing that game for almost 8 years. I recently ended it (I hope) and that's why I am here. I need some strength and support. We have tried to end things many times before, but neither one of us will leave the other. It has made me crazy. We both agree, it's something but neither one of us knows what it is. We love each other, but we are not in love. We live in different towns about 45 minutes apart. We have never lived together. Communication is pretty much nonexistant. He never wants to talk about "us" and he gets mad and accuses me of being a detective and jealous and everything else. I have never tried to change him. I have accepted him, the situation, and everything. Nothing I do is good enough for him. I wish I could just walk away and let him go, but I cannot imagine my life without him in it. He says the same thing. He only tells certain people I am his girlfriend. Some of them don't even know I exist. I have been the one giving and giving in this mess and I'm all tapped out. If I sound scattered and all over the place, it's because I am and my thoughts race and it's gone on for so long. I would just like my 30's back please, seems I wasted it on someone I can never have.