My appointment is tomorrow (31st) and I still do not have the assignment done. Why do I feel that I do not deserve to be in therapy? I don't know, but I still don't feel that I deserve to be there.

I guess I feel like I am taking up a session that someone who really needs help could be taking. That makes me feel really bad for some reason.

One thing I have noticed I do. I am not bothered at all that she has other clients. But when she talks about clients coming before me, or after me that bothers me. Why? the one who came before me.....I feel like she is worn out and doesn't want to hear me whine about my issues. She is probably wishing I would shut up so that she can have a break before the next client comes in.

For the one who comes after me, I am thinking she wants me to hurry up so that she can get to the next client who really needs help and is worthy to be there. I know this sounds dumb, but I feel this way. I don't feel that I deserve to be taking up her time. I wish I could snap out of this, but I don't know how.

When I think about what I am doing to myself, it makes me cry. Why? I am crying for that inner child who wants to heard. She wants to feel that she matters. I hurt for that child. I want her to feel worthy, but I don't know how to help her. She does not feel worthy of anything. She feels like she is hiding and wants to be invisible, yet she is screaming for someone to find her.