Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
I have been in therapy for a year now. We keep going back to forgiveness. How I need to forgive myself for decisions I made in my past that are affecting me today.
If I knew how to forgive myself, I would. But I don't know how. Will someone please help me figure this out?
She tells me that I have to dig deep on this and try to figure out why I cannot (or won't allow) forgive myself for what I have done. She asked me, "What would your life look like if you didn't carry around so much guilt? You have carried this weight for so long that you do not even see what it is doing to you. How much better would you feel if you let this go?"
Of course, I would feel better, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET THIS GO!!
Will someone please help me before she drives me crazy!!
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Well, I wish I knew the answer. But, I have another take on it and I keep coming back to the thought that I shouldn't be rid of the guilt or shame. I really don't believe that I should forgive myself. I keep thinking that it's presumptuous for me to forgive myself. My T is working with me on this also but I really think that it is something I will never achieve - self-forgiveness.
And part of me thinks that's o.k. I mean, why should I beat myself up that I can't forgive myself? I screwed up; I should accept that I screwed up - I don't need self-forgiveness - to me that would mean that it was o.k. that I screwed up. I don't want it to be o.k.
I'm probably making it worse for you Squiggle - if you find the way to even acknowledge that self-forgiveness is o.k., I'd love to hear about it.