Let me start of by issuing a TRIGGER WARNING while talking about the subject of suicide.. I apologise for lack of grammar and spelling as I just woke up after a 5 hour kip after my night shift when I dealt with this.

Mods, please read this and think about the intention before throwing in the waste basket.. I feel it may be constructive to those who have these intentions.

I wan't to initially get across that I have been there, I know how lonely some of you must feel, and how hard and impossible it is to see or find any way out of it. This is not a "bashing" session. Its to try and get across the affect it will have on others around you, and hopefully give those of you who need it, a boost to try and keep going.

I dealt with a suicide in my line of work this morning at 4:30 AM. Is it a routine thing for me ? Yes. However just because I deal with it a lot, does not mean it does not have an impact on me. This particular event made me think about all the times I have considered, and nearly gone through with the feelings of suicide.

It impacts people closest to you. Your sister, brother, parents, friends.. any relation who had a link with you. Even friends and those of you who you used to go to school with years ago. (Some of you more recently). Nearly anyone who had contact with you, will be feeling a loss.

Even though I was not involved with the family, I could feel the loss. The immediate silence, the pictiures on the wall of the happy couple only a few weeks back. It was sudden and unpredictable.

The deceased males wife, was in a complete state of shock. She could not even begin to comprehend how her loved one had sudenly taken his own life.
It felt wrong.
Things were around that reminded her of him. Such as the small box with a lid covered with " I love you" Which contained his meds. He opened this last to take his own life. The food, still fresh on the counter from the night before when they had dinner, the ciggaretes still smelling from when he last smoked them.

Lastly. The Ambulance crew, and my colleagues who had to deal with the scene. Even we are affected by each and every one we have to go to.

I implore those of you who are considering this route. to try and keep grip of life. It is hard, I understand that fully, I am not telling you your weak, because often, the hardest time you'll ever have to work with yourself and others, is when your on that frigtening edge. The strongest people are those who feel they have nothing, and still somehow make it through.

This is a true account, of a true situation, which happened not even 12 hours ago.

Anyone who wishes to PM me, feel free.

Best wishes to you all.

Alex