So. I think I had stated earlier that I had made the decision to "cut my father loose." Not allow him in my life anymore because he was too triggering for me. It's been about a month, I think. At least it seems that long - maybe longer - I don't know.

And I've stuck to that. On the one hand it's been somewhat freeing to not have to be bombarded by his abuse and emotional neglect whenever I'm with him. But on the other hand -- well I just miss my Daddy...

Sorry guys. My T says my continuing to go after his approval and love - even now at my age - is my "little boy ego state" trying to get what he never had. Yeah. Probably. Sounds about right. I guess today I'm that little boy in some ways. And I want my Daddy....

Looks and feels silly to write that. But it's probably the most genuine thing I'm gonna write today. And I push paper for a living...