I'm John and I am 30 years old. My life has been complete hell for over 10 years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over 10 years ago. I cannot keep a job because I just quit for one crazy reason or another. I have gotten multiple DWIs and don't have a license currently. I don't have or want any friends because I am pretty antisocial. Yet, I am in a relationship with this girl, who I just got pregnant (an wanted to at the time, terrible judgement), and now I have zero interest in her and continuously think and picture every single fault she has. I have cheated on every girlfriend I've ever had and don't know why. Sooner or later I find something wrong with every girlfriend, so far, that disgusts me. I use drugs more often than not and would say I have a problem with drugs, alcohol, gambling, and the like. I am a liar. I have stolen from family and friends. I have had my fair share of legal problems. I have obsessive thoughts about all types of stuff and can't make them stop, and most of the thoughts are worries. One minute I feel like I can do anything and then I feel I can do nothing the next. My grandfather just had a stroke. He was like the dad I never had. I have gone to see him in the hospital a few times, but I feel like I don't care and that absolutely kills me. For the last few months, or more, I have barely left the house. I pretty much have no interest in anything. I need to get a job because I got fired about 5 months ago. I have worked at this place for about 5 years, but quit the same place 11 times in that 5 years. I was a finance director at a car dealership, but want nothing to do with sales anymore. I have absolutely no idea what to do for work or with life anymore. I can't even figure out what I like anymore.

That is my story, the brutal truth of it.

Yes, I am on medication and don't feel like any of the medications I have been on have ever helped.