zak......you've taken a major step by posting here and getting all of this off of your chest......now its time to get down to business and get back to being that wonderful, successful man that you really are....first step is to get some help.......find a good therapist......print out your post and take it with you to your first visit...it says all you need to say......finding the right meds can be a real trial by error but when you find the right ones...it can be life changing....be thankful that the worst is now behind you...no.....you will never get over the death of your friend but you will learn to deal with it.....your best years are still ahead of you...yes..hit the books and get that 2.5....your self esteem will soar.....and please....keep posting....you've come to a wonderful place.....we are all here for you......