I don't know where to start...
It took me a long time to come to terms with what my diagnosis of BP and what it would mean for me. It's a journey - keep talking with your counsellor.
The meds can really suck especially at first with all the side effects, with time you can work out which drugs work best for you and also the side effects often get better with time.
Your life is still your life and it can still be rewarding. You do have challenges to overcome but you can get through it. All the best...