LMo...

First, let me say that I know that everyone on this baord has offered me support over the past several months, and I appreciate it. I was venting. The bottom line is that I have never asked for any help in my life and the one time I needed it the only ones that would come to my assistance were complete strangers I communicate with over the internet. Well, thank God for those strangers, included wonderful people such as yourself, because without you, and them, this would have been more difficult to get through. I am admittedly more than a bit cynical. I guess for most people you are not allowed to make mistakes. You can't be forgiven for making them. And, you had better fix them on your own.

And, you are right... I WAS relying on my ex girl friend for my happiness. And, it WAS too much to ask of her. I used alomost those exact same words in a letter I wrote to her. But, even still after recognizing my own flaws, mistakes and shortcomings I am still slammed as somone that has no worth.

I am taking a major timeout on any interaction with anyone. I just bought a guitar and I plan on spending my time learning the guitar (which I am very excited about). The rest of my time I will dedicate to my kids and to my work.

I have learned to avoid my ex girl friend at all costs. But, I can't help but wish in my heart for the kind of unconditional love where someone would be by your side through the bad times, as well as the good. Because as much as I screwed up I know myself to be a very giving, supportive and nonjudgemental person. Despite that I am destined to be alone and I am working on ways to be happy and content alone. Sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice to have someone to be there to lend a little bit of support. I mean be there in flesh and blood. Someone to care, someone to love. I miss that, but I will figure out a way to live without it. In many ways I have to accept that as my sentence for what I have done.