Being disappointed hurts! My T once gave me homework for the week to think about the emotion of "disappointment" and I, of course immediately started seeing ways in which I was disappointed all around me! But what was really helpful was when my husband disappointed me by deciding to go to the race track without unloading the dishwasher (one of his chores is doing the dishes) first. I expressed my disappointment to him (not hard, "I'm disappointed you are going to the race track without unloading the dishwasher first so I can plan dinner") and was surprised at the result: his back was really hurting him and he thought going to the racetrack would distract him from the pain versus bending over and unloading the dishwasher which would make him feel worse.

You should have been inside my head, it was almost comical! I immediately realized that I should want my husband to do whatever made him feel better, that I wanted him to feel better. However, I was disappointed that my dishes weren't going to be in their proper places and/or that I wouldn't have to just unload the dishwasher myself to get the desired result. How dare he go "play" while I work? Ooops, where did that come from? My stepmother What's truly more important, the dishes or the one I love? How very important are the dishes and why can't they wait (he'd be back before dinner!) or why can't I do them myself, help him out with his chores since he is hurting? My stepmother use to accuse me of going to the bathroom to get out of doing the dishes (it's not like I could stay in there forever! If that was my strategy it couldn't possibly work, I'd be an idiot to consider it?) but everything was about doing things her way, when she wanted, how she wanted it done, etc. And here I was transferring that to my relationship with my husband; I'd been taught well :-)

Sannah, see if you can start being disappointed in other people instead of angry and see what you can learn?