Open Eyes : I chuckled when I read the part about the computers. You're right about that! In the past when I've tried to talk to Dad about what I felt like growing up - the good AND the bad - he would look at me like I was speaking Japanese...! He couldn't understand a word! He would always go back to "I always did good by you kids." Yeah, he provided food - shelter - clothing. But fell "just a tad short" when it came to love - caring - companionship - safety - guidance.

It's sorta difficult to be grateful for the clothes on your back when you're getting the crap kicked out of you! And it's hard to think about "The Ole Homestead," when we were racked with fear every day as it grew nearer the time when we knew he'd be home.

The one thing that got me into therapy was the death of my mother. Afterwards, when people were offering their condolences and commenting on how difficult it is to lose a "Mother's Love" I realized I had no tender, "motherly memories" of her. I felt no saddness, or whatever at her death. Felt guilty about that! "How come I can't grieve for her?" Tried to "conjure" up some sadness so I wouldn't feel like such a lousy son for not grieving for his mom, but there was none to be had. Finally, through therapy, I realized why. There aren't any "motherly memories" to be conjured. They never existed. But now there is sadness. For me in that I didn't experience those things. And for a mother who missed out knowing a pretty neat kid!! I'm sad for her that she wasn't able to - for whatever reason.

Same goes for dad. I'm sad I don't have those "Father & Son" memories. And I'm sad for him because he's most likely gonna die never having met his oldest son. He might have enjoyed his company if he had been able to spend some time with him. Too bad...

Anyway, thanks for the comments, all. "It's a process." (You as sick of hearing that as I AM??)