((((desirae))))

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. I understand about the pretending, but I don't think that makes you a phony. Sometimes we just do what we have to in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Are there any sources of assistance you can tap into? I'm no expert on USA as I am in UK, but churches? Food stamps? Charities? I expect you have already tapped into many of these however.

It's good to have ambitions for your kids. I don't think anything you have said means you have failed. Keep on going, and post here when you want; we'll be listening.