(((((wi_fighter, caroline, fuzzybear, gossamer))))))
thank you for the support. i'm trying, i swear i am. and i'm sorry i keep going on and on. i dont want to burden anyone but my husband, who happens to be the only person here at the moment, is falling into his own depression and cant take this right now. he and every other person around keep telling me how i have to do this on my own. "take care of it yourself" was the message i got this morning. when have i not done it alone? every doctor appointment, the lawyers, the mechanics, the flood that wrecked my home, the abuse, every crappy thing thats ever happened. . . i got through it alone. i dont want to be told to fix myself. is it not what i've been doing the last twenty-odd years of my life? taking the &^%$ that comes my way and picking up the pieces. i'm tired. just for once. . . maybe somebody could have stuck around and given me just a little leg up. i dont want much, i dont ask for much, maybe just for someone to listen and say its okay when i'm blue. or a ride to the doc when i'm feeling afraid and anxious. or a shoulder to cry on without being told "pull yourself together" or "you need to get over this". i dont ask for much and its still too much. i cant fix everything else and myself and take care of my kids and make money and put my life together. i'm so tired. ever feel like you just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and maybe you'll wake and somehow it will all be ok? i cant even sleep. i'm so tired and i cant even sleep.

is it ok for me to say i am not okay right now? i am panicking and panicking and i called the only people i could think to call, my friend who basically said dont bother me and my pdoc who cant see me til next thursday and i dont know what to do with myself. . .