(((lightanddark)))))))
sounds like youre having a rough time. i know what you mean, about exhausting your abilities to cope. it seems unfair that we dont get the time to rebuild ourselves before another boulder comes rolling our way. please hold on though, and try to believe that it will get better. be kind to yourself, and talk to your pdoc or t if youre concerned the meds arent kicking in fast enough.
i think youre probably feeling your relationships are one-sided because youre down right now. i have no doubt the people in your life love you, and would be devastated if they lost you.
just hang in there. try to be strong.