Do you ever worry about 'getting better' because that would mean your therapy days are over? Do you fear showing too much progress because your therapist may start counting down your last visits?

Do you fear going into therapy and having a 'good day'? Do you feel yourself putting on the 'therapy face' when you go into a session? What if you went into a session and felt great? Would you worry about that?

I posed this question to my therapist. She said that it is awesome when a client comes in 'happy', but she has to make sure the client is being authentic. Sometimes a 'happy face' is masking an issue that the client is trying to avoid, but other times it is a genuine 'happy face'. The therapist has to determine what is really going on.

As far as 'getting better', that is a process. When a client is showing great progress, that does not mean that they are necessarily ready to leave therapy. Many clients get to a certain level, and need to maintain that for awhile. Then the therapist and client continue on to the next level. There could be many levels (layers) with a client. The client determines when they have reached their goals. The therapist is there to guide, not make decisions.

I find that I do feel awkward if I go into a session and actually feel good. It makes me feel that I am okay and I do not need therapy anymore. But, I think about it like this. If you were suffering from an illness where you needed medical attention on a regular basis, there will be days that you feel good, and days that you feel you cannot go on. If you felt good one day when you went for a doctor visit, would you tell the doctor, "I feel good today, so I think I am healed."

No, you wouldn't. This is where I get stuck in therapy. I feel that if I don't have some major issue to talk about in a session, I must be 'healed' and don't need my therapist anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a lesson that I am learning. I guess I don't want to waste her time if I am not under any great emotional distress.

Then again, whose time is it? It is my time. She is there for her clients. I wonder why I worry so much that I am wasting her time? She is in the business to have client appointments. So what am I even worrying about that for?

This probably goes back to the question she keeps asking me over and over. "Why do I not feel that I deserve to be in therapy?" I still cannot answer that question. "Do I deserve to be in therapy?"