Hello everyone,

I have been married for 12 years and have been seperated since October of last year. One day we were looking at houses and the next day she told me that she didnt want to be in a relationship any longer with me. I was devastated, because I thought things were going well. Maybe I was blind and didnt pick up on any unhappiness she was having. I was laid off for a year and I didnt have the best career path, but got a job at WFS stocking shelves. Granted it was a crappy job, I was let go because I wasnt fast enough. Keep in mind, I am 43 yrs old an I guess I couldnt keep up with 16yr olds. After she left I went into a deep depression and have had little contact with my wife. Just through e-mails. I asked her to counseling with me and she said no. Her mind was made up. It appears she probably was thinking about doing this for a long time.

Just a little side information my wife was raped by a former boyfriend, she had probleems with depression and bulimia throughout the years. I am a good guy, I was gentle when it came to making love with her and was always checking in with her if she was okay. I treated her like a princess, nightly footrubs and fluffing her hair. I have never raised a hand to her or never stole or cheated on her. When I was not working I would have dinner ready for her when she got home from her job. I never pressured her for sex and sometimes there were long lapses with out it.

a Month or two before she left, she wanted to make love all the time. But in a porn style kind of way. I thought it was an interesting change and went with it. She was listening to different types of music and dressing differently. I know what you're thinking, was she seeing someone else, she said no.. Just to let you know we were seperated in 04 and got reunited after a couple of months apart. We both went to therpy seperately and she worked on her personal issues. In therapy, she thought she might of been molested as a child but was proven inconclusive. I know she has some baggage, I loved her for her.. But she left and I have been depressed, very lonely and searching for a job on top of everything. I have been in therapy and my therapist says I have to accept it and move on. I am having a tough time doing so. I love her and miss her and hate her all at the same time. My problem, is that she wants to proceed with a divorce and i do not. She sent me some do it yourself paperwork via mail and i just ripped it up in anger. She sent me another e-mail saying that if I could work with her on an uncontested divorce because she cannot afford a lawyer.

I dont want to do that. So I have been ducking her e-mails and not responding,, Its not a mature thing, but I dont want a divorce. I miss her and she probably doesnt miss me.

Again, I love her and am mad at her too. When I left she cahnged the locks and packed my bags for me. I cant figure it out, I am lost and not sure what to do.. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless