Okay, so this has been bothering me for a couple years now, & it's been bothering me a LOT more than I've let on. Here's the low-down.

I've always been fairly outgoing sexually. I'm not into urine/feces/vomit. I have never been THAT wild. (I don't judge. It's just not my idea of fun or sexy.)

Randomly, a few years ago, I just suddenly became far more conservative & boring than I used to be. I'm also extremely shy. I've had the same partner, (most of the time), for the past 5 years. (We broke up for a little over a year 2009-2010. I had a short relationship, & the odd one-night stand in that period of time.) I was wild & crazy when I met him, but now, I'm too shy to watch porn at all while he's home. I only touch myself in front of him when I'm drunk. I HATE giving oral. I have an aversion to penises in general. I almost never initiate intimacy, even if I'm going out of my mind with desire. I'm just too shy. I'm all coy & virginal. Hell, I'm more virginal than I was when I was a virgin. lol I want to have fun the way I used to & be as fun as I used to be, but I'm just shy & get this icky feeling about doing a lot of things that I used to enjoy.

I'm only 21. Is this normal? Should I speak with a sexual therapist to try to tap into wtf happened & how to change it??? I have tried looking up stuff in Cosmo & on their website to spice myself up, & tips to better my body & whatnot in case it's a lack of confidence, but reading the tips makes me cry & feel awful because a lot of the sex tips are stuff that I just know I won't do. Even the stuff I've done in the past that's suggested is often stuff I won't do. It's upsetting even more considering I still have a ridiculously high sex drive.

Tbh, I don't really expect any answers. I'm not even quite sure what the question is that I am asking here. I just needed to get it off of my chest.