Part of my crappy self-care when I get into these places is not sleeping. I get so tired but I don't go to bed. Partly because bed can be triggering, partly because when I DO go to bed it is SO LOUD in my head that I can't sleep and it feels scary and overwhelming and frustrating and partly because I just start to fail at taking care of myself.

I do love it when I can sleep though, because if I don't have bad dreams that wake me up, I LOVE the moment in the morning when I first wake up before things come rushing back into my head. I love days when that moment lasts for more than a moment. I love that yesterday is OVER.

I just downloaded a book. Sometimes reading helps. Maybe I will read.