I was doing well for a while, but I feel like I'm falling again. My mother went into the hospital after a bad fall with a brain bleed last week. She is out of the hospital and in a rehab facility, but is still not doing well. I think I underestimated just how much this has affected me. She is two hours away and I have not been able to go see her yet. I hope to this weekend. I haven't been able to have much of a relationship with her in the past few years. She had a stroke almost 20 years ago and now Alzheimer's is setting in. Even though I can't really talk to her much, I am still not ready to lose her.

My warning signs are starting to creep in. I haven't been eating well at all the last couple of days, haven't felt like taking a shower, have no motivation to cook for my family. My dissociation has gotten worse. I think some of my mild visual hallucinations are returning - seeing things out of the corner of my eye, but trying not to over react to it. Maybe there was a cat outside the door, you know? But it's more than that, I know. I think I'm gong to call my pdoc today and see if I can increase my Risperdal this weekend if things get worse. I"m feeling safe, just down. I will try to eat something healthy today. It's just that I have no appetite and things feel strange when I'm dissociated. I couldn't eat our regular family dinner last night, but was able to stomach an English muffin. Three weeks ago I was hypomanic...just another part of the ride, I guess. Thanks for listening.