Hi Stolly,

Are you completely new here? I could swear that I've read your story and shared my opinion/sympathy a few months ago. No? Hmm... I'd just hate to repeat things that you've already heard. Kind of pointless.

Either way, I am sorry to hear that your struggling emotionally and financially. It can be so hard to make it through times like what you're currently experiencing. It takes a long time, therapy, and discoveries of things in life that you can enjoy all by yourself. Those things make acceptance easier.

It hasn't been long since you separated ~ I can understand that your still in the initial "denial" stage, with anger and depression, not uncommon. In my experience, perfectly normal. I, too, wished for change for years. I wished so badly ~ but that didn't help me at all. In fact, that deep wish and sorrow kept me in dark depression longer.

My first safe haven was found to be nature. That has been the deepest relief for me throughout all of my dark thoughts. I try hard to focus on very simple aspects of nature ~ watching a tree blow in the wind, feeling the breeze upon my skin, feeling any dampness in the air, smelling scents in the air, watching thin clouds blowing through the sky, etc. I focus all of my attention in that moment. It really is comforting for me. I cannot fully explain why ~ it just gives me some hope, to see that animals are still breeding, trees are growing, weather occurs, etc.

My problems are so tiny in this enormous world. Thankfully! When I am gone, the trees, birds, other animals, lakes and oceans will still be here. I look at them as a reassuring "constant". While so many things in the world are inconsistent and impossible to predict, I can believe that the world will keep spinning. Life will still exist. (Personally, I choose to keep humans out of my thoughts of the future, as that typically leads back to my negative thoughts.) That is my personal relief.

Hope that you are able to find some reassurance in the world soon. Try to focus on the beauty, the safety and simplicity of the natural world. It is amazing ~ so complex and simple at the same time. You cannot change others. You can only change yourself. Those are hard facts in life that we all must come to terms with.

Best wishes to you ~ take care!