poetgirl, I guess I also thought telling would make it better, but you're right. It's only the first step. I'm still at the stage of accepting the reality and then, hopefully, I can work on changing my pattern. Thank you.

Sannah, that's where I'm stuck. I don't know how to solve the problem!

Since my session, I sent my T one long email, but less than a page, then another one with 1 paragraph, then one with 2 sentences. In the one with only two sentences I commented on my noticing how good she looked and that my parts were confused, but I was going to meditate, not send her any more emails about it, and get on with my life.

In her email back, she said it sounded like my Self was more in control instead of the parts running the show. But it was so incredibly HARD to send such a short email and to say that. Now I have to stick with it and not write again before my appointment on Tuesday. I have to do the meditation every day and not let the thoughts about my T run my life.
When I think about missing her already, and feelings about the session, I just have to say "that's okay, parts of you really like her a lot and that's normal" and even good.

I signed my first email "love" but first I wrote "is it okay to write that?" Of course I know it is. Okay. My Self has to be a big girl now and not cry about my T. I know "you guys" will understand how difficult it is to put my T into proper perspective in my life. She's SO very important to me, but so have been all the Ts before her. I've got to stop doing this!